Out of it THIS ONE WORKS!
by Randomicity
Summary: I don't own this show. Is Aang dreaming, drunk, or on soft drugs? He dosen't know, and the reoccuring sequences of insanity aren't helping, either. RATED T... I apologize, I'm trying to get used to the site. Mild swearing, Violence. 1st Kataang fic.


Opapanax.

A word without a definition.

Aang the Avatar was also a word without a definition.

"Ow..."

I glanced around myself to see nothing but bright light. Was I in Heaven? like in the movies? was this some Avatar-your-time-has-come message from God? Or was I about to be dragged screaming into the jaws of Hell, to bask in agony for the rest of time, constantly prodded by Demons and Dogs until the blood showers bathed it all away?

The puddle beside me began to move. No, _move_ didn't describe it, it began to _stand._ Though the laws of physics flatly disallows it, it was happening right before my eyes, on the beam of some endless tower from which I could see endlessly into, no matter which direction I looked.

_Great, now I know where I am, I've lost my mind and this is my distorted reality._

As if being The Avatar hasn't distorted my reality _enough._

The puddle drew itself up to its full height, and opened a crease somewhere near its top, and spoke.

"AAAAaaaang!" The voice was deep, as if right beside my ear, but it was also faint, as if coming from the bottom of a well.

_Well!_ My skull suddenly throbbed and I screamed, grabbing my forehead until the blackness came over me.

Away from the light...

I woke up beside Sokka, who was sprawled out across the grass with Toph entwined in his arms, sleeping soundly. I moved away quietly, as to not wake them up, but neither one stirred, regardless. I stretched my arms, and surveyed my surroundings, glad to be home again.

Katara was standing across the yard, looking nothing short of Angelic in the afternoon sun, tan and supple as always. I ran over, wanting to embrace her, but tripped on my way there and slammed facefirst into the ground.

"Aang!" I looked up, spat out a mouthful of grass-and-dirt to see Katara running towards me, looking worried. "Are you alright?"

I stood up, grinning stupidly. "Yeah! I'm fine!" I searched for a reply other than "Uh..." when she turned and walked away.

_Heh, she must be practicing bending..._

I sighed and looked around, left with really nothing to do, until I saw Katara run towards me again, this time swinging an axe.

_Okay, now I __know__ I've lost my mind..._

I dodged left as the axe cleaved about six inches of ground away, and turned to run. I tripped again, and turned up just in time to see the blade cleave my face in two.

"Owwww..." I was once again on the platform overlooking eternity, between the layers of color, and the stupid puddle-thing was still beside me.

I turned towards it and said sarcastically "Y'know, you could try and help me, instead of calling my name over and over."

I _swear_ it smiled at me. I tried to walk once again, but collided with an invisible wall just hard enough to knock myself out.

"Great..." I rubbed my head, to find myself in my bedroom, in my bed, laying besides a (please, God say that she wasn't naked) sleeping Toph

My throat ran dry, my nose began running and all I could make for words was a couple of inarticulate grunts. That was all it took for her to wake.

She blinked a few times, rubbed her eyes and scratched her head, and threw herself sideways across the mattress, directly onto my waist.

Thank _God_ she wasn't naked.

She screamed, then, once she realized where she was, and began pounding every inch of me she could reach. I extracted myself from under her, and attempted to explain as best I could.

"Toph!"

_WHUMP! to the chest. WHUMPH! to the chest again._

_"_T-Toph!" I chocked out. "L-Listen to me!"

She didn't say anything, and by now I was doubting that she even _would_. Instead, she reached somewhere beside the mattress to where I couldn't see, and emerged with a fully automatic Shotgun.

BANG BANG BANG! I flew backwards, against the wall and watched my blood carpet the wooden floors.

_Into the blackness..._

So here I was, standing on the platform in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by colors and little swooping things that I hadn't noticed before, and the little puddle thing was watching me (I guessed, it didn't exactly have eyes) as if waiting to see what I was going to do.

"So, you come here often?" I sighed. "_Where_ _am_ I, anyway?" Again, I _swear_ it smiled at me.

I closed my eyes, expecting to be knocked out again, and was rewarded shortly as a huge rumble sounded from somewhere in my front.

I opened one eye just in time to see a _wrecking ball_ appear out of thin air, and smack the consciousness from my body.

I opened my eyes, and I was sitting on a couch, in front of a fireplace which was roaring crazily, making the room incredibly warm.

_Well, for an illusion, this can't be that bad, at least my friends aren't trying to kill me."_

I was proven right as I looked beside me to see Katara, swaying seductively, moving towards me from the other end of the room.

"Aang." she cooed, "Do you love me?"

_What the hell?_

I struggled for a reply when Kataras shirt went over her head, to leave her standing in front of me, wearing only a bra and undergarments.

_Oh, my God. I'd forced my mind away from the wet dreams to only have them happen when I'm not sane enough to enjoy them fully, at least._

I was proven _wrong,_ as Katara placed herself in my lap and began unbuttoning the front of my shirt, cooing. "I love _you,_ Aang."

_Was she drunk? _Katara had a proven reputation for being a flirty drunk. I myself was a _brave_ drunk, only now, unfortunately, I _wasn't._

I didn't smell any alcohol on Katara, though, and I didn't _taste _any either, as Katara gave me a kiss that all but made me hyperventilate.

I usually only have one tongue, but there were suddenly two in my mouth, and it was running itself over my lips, until Katara pulled back.

"I love you, Aang." She lay herself down on my chest, head underneath my chin, and fell asleep...

_Oookay, so now what do I do?_

I was answered as I blacked out, again.

I awoke in the same place, at apparently the same time (although I couldn't really tell) next to the same puddle-thingy, which was silent.

"Well, I learned two things, I'm either strung out on Cactus juice _or_ LSD, and Katara has a tongue like Gene Simmons." I laughed. "_Kisssssss."_

Again the puddle-thing smiled. "So how'm I gonna pass out _now?" _I asked it. "Could you at least _warn_ me?"

CRUNCH! Something huge impacted with the side of my skull, and I fell into darkness once more.

The lights were off. That's the first thing that I saw. I was lying in what felt like a bed. I lay there for a minute, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness, and once they did, I wished they'd gone out again.

Toph, fully naked, lay beside me, breathing softly.

_NOOOOOOOO!! Oh, God if she wakes up I'm a dead man! AND I MIGHT __ALREADY__ BE DEAD!_

Wouldn't you know it, she woke up. She _was_ blind_ and_ on a soft surface so it took her a minute to figure out I was beside her. She turned towards me, and smiled. "Hey, Twinkle-Toes." she leaned over and placed herself directly on my lap, and I almost screamed. "You did good, last night."

She turned red, then, and looked away as I stared at the sky and wondered what I'd done in a past life to be tortured (I was enjoying it, but I didn't _want to) _like this.

Toph kissed me. Her lips were warm and wet and her tongue danced in and out of my mouth like a snake, which made me think of Katara and Gene Simmons until we broke apart, and I laughed.

"What's up?"

I didn't reply, but I felt her relax against my chest.

Once again, another situation I _liked_ but I didn't want to enjoy.

It didn't last long though, the tide of darkness pulled me under, once again.

I stood up to face the puddle-thing, which was watching me once more.

"Well, Toph kisses just as badly as Katara does, and I think she _bites."_I grinned at it. "So... What's gonna happen?"

It didn't replay, as always, and I was knocked out, once _again._

"Aang..."

_It's only a dream, don't open your eyes it's only a dream._

I heard Katara sigh, and then I heard Toph say sharply into my ear. "Hey, Twinkles! _Wake up!"_

_God, now I was in bed with both of them? How much more am I gonna have to take?_

I didn't want to admit I'd enjoyed it, either.

From somewhere beside me, I heard Sokka say. "I swear, I thought he was awake."

_Great, so now it's a foursome... We __are__ strung out on Cactus Juice, aren't we? Either that, or I'm dosed over-the-eyeballs with LSD._

Sokka's voice was joined with Zukos, who sounded annoyed. "Do it again, Katara."

_Oh, Jesus, I just had to ask..._

I felt something warm pierce my chest, and I opened my eyes to find my friends (fully-clothed) standing over me, looking concerned.

"Wh-Where am I?" I asked. It felt like the top of my head had been shoved into the blades of a windmill, and then I'd been thrown into a cement mixer. I looked around to find the walls just as white as the light had been, at first, and then I smelled something sharp, like Ether.

"Sorry, Aang." said Katara, sounding heartfelt, "We had to amputate your legs from the paralysis."

_WHAT!? NO!_

I screamed, choked a few times, and passed out yet again.

"Aang!" this was Katara screaming, again.

I opened my eyes, to see everyone standing around me, looking worried.

"Sorry." she said sheepishly. "That was Sokka's idea, he wanted to see if you were fully awake, yet."

I groaned. "Remind me to kill him, later."

There was a noise from somewhere outside the room, and Zuko's voice, sounding angry. "Damnit!" he yelled "Sokka, you _idiot!"_

He walked into the room shortly after with Sokka behind him, looking sheepish. "Here, Avatar." he thrust a basket of flowers towards me, looking pained. "_These _are for you, they were _Katara's_ idea."

"Are you _sure_ I'm not dreaming, Katara?"

She kissed me, and stood back, smiling. "Are you dreaming_ now?"_

This time, I really didn't care. _Another_ crash from outside gave way to Toph, carrying what appeared to be the pieces to a vase, or something.

"Here, Twinkles." she said, smirking. "Welcome back to the land of the living." I was about to laugh, when Katara called Zuko from somewhere outside the room.

I grabbed his arm. "Zuko!"

He turned to me, looking surprised. "What?"

I smiled as wickedly as I could manage. "She's got a tongue like Gene Simmons." I released him, and he backed away, looking horrified. "Right..."

He walked out, muttering how he liked me better when I was unconscious.

I was left with Toph, who was holding the pieces of vase.

"Here." I said. "Lemme take those." I set them down next to the basket of flowers, which was bleeding all over the floor, and said.

"Hey, Toph, I need for you to do me a favor."

She pointed to the vase. "Aren'tcha going to clean that up?"

I shrugged. "It's not _my _problem." and she grinned. "What's up, Twinkle-Toes?"

I forced myself not to blush at what I was about to say. "I need you to kiss me."

Her face suggested she'd recently swallowed a worm. _"What?"_

"I want to make sure that I'm not dreaming--!" and she nodded.

The punch to my jaw took all thoughts of a surreal reality from my mind.

"Did that answer your question?" I nodded weakly, and was shocked when she _did_ kiss me.

"Wha--" I stammered, but she cut me off.

"Tell a soul about that, Twinkles, and I'll make sure you don't wake up next time you fall down a well." And she left the room, rather hurriedly.

I nodded dumbly, not altogether realizing that she was no longer there. Instead, I lay back, sighing, feeling my jaw throb.

Well, the dreams may have been from me falling down a well, and Katara didn't have a tongue like Gene Simmons, and Toph didn't bite me..

I loved Katara with all my heart.

But one thing was for certain, Toph was _definitely _a better kisser.


End file.
